TWJ’s Finest Old Rare Double Stick Aged Whiskey

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a real treat for you. Fresh out of the TWJ laboratories I present to you TWJ’s Finest Old Rare Double Stick Aged Whiskey, the first 101 point spirit in existence. It’s a dram so exclusive that I’m the only human being in the entire history of the world to have tried it so far. It’s that exclusive of a finest rare limited edition single bottle double stick estate release. Maybe at some point in time, I’ll release some 1 oz samples to the TWJ gift shop, but I don’t know if I want to give up my exclusivity just yet.

TWJ’s Finest Old Rare Double Stick Aged Whiskey is an elite blending of all the vodkas I had at my disposal. I can’t reveal the proprietary blend for fear that someone would copy my masterpiece but I will tell you that it uses some 5 years shelf-aged Smirnoff vodka, some 7 years shelf-aged Crystal Skull vodka and a bit of Loft & Bear some dude gave me in the parking lot of a liquor store. After allowing to mellow in an old coffee can overnight in my freezer I checked for any floaties I could remove, but found none. This blend was already at such a high quality that it didn’t even need chill-filtering.

I left the coffee can vodka blend on the counter while I was at work so it would be room temperature when I got home, that way I could blend in a mix of various white whiskeys I have around the house without bruising any of the spirits. I eyeballed this white whiskey mixture to be about 2.5% so that I didn’t have to disclose it… but I am. We at TWJ Whiskey & Sundries Co. strive to be as transparent as the spirits we source from our local Bevmo.

This new mixture of vodkas and white whiskeys were then allowed to mellow in a Templeton Rye bottle I emptied just for this exclusive experiment. Using the latest in funnel technology, which I purchased at Target, I carefully poured the mix into the bottle to give my soon-to-be stick aged whiskey some prohibition-era legitimacy. After a marrying period that lasted as long as it took me to clean up from dinner, I placed not 1 but 2 different sticks into that Templeton Rye bottle.

The stick + newly made spirit was then placed in the top center of my barrack and left to quietly age while I binge watched Daredevil season 2 over the weekend. I gave it a taste before bed on Sunday and it wasn’t quite right so I plugged to cork back in and let it sit for three more days which is when I officially proclaimed it perfect. I quickly took my photos and poured a sample for this review and then extracted the sticks to keep it from becoming over-sticked. Over sticking just will not do!

But without further adieu, I present to you TWJ’s Finest Old Rare Double Stick Aged Whiskey.

TWJ’s Finest Old Rare Double Stick Aged Whiskey Info

Region: Earth

Distiller: Some Dudes
Mashbill: Pure Uncut Angels Tears
Cask: The finest handcrafted, and in one case charred, sticks
Age: Made from water older than the dinosaurs, but apartment aged for 5 days
ABV: Quantum ABV – It changes once observed

Stick Strength | Non-Chill Filtered | Natural Color

Batch: 1
Bottle: 1

Price: If you have to ask you can’t afford it.*

TWJ’s Finest Old Rare Double Stick Aged Whiskey Review

EYE
Yellowish brownish teaish

NOSE
Luxurious silken notes that recall the wafting aroma of an angel’s wings.

PALATE
The very definition of depth and complexity. New words need to be invented for how luscious and explosive the flavors are here. Dynamic… purely dynamic.

FINISH
I’m still waiting for it to end…

BALANCE, BODY & FEEL
Perfectly balanced with a body like a Greek Goddess and the most luxurious mouth coating feel even concocted by man. This puts the luxury in luxury.

OVERALL
TWJ’s Finest Old Rare Double Stick Aged Whiskey is the best thing you will ever put in your mouth. Being a blend of the finest vodkas I have in my house, which were married in an old coffee can, the TWJ’s Finest Old Rare Stick Aged Whiskey was a 90 pointer the moment I tasted it. The addition of an eye-balled 2.5% mix of the white whiskeys I have in my house kicked it up another point or two, but what slid it up to a 95 was letting everything marry in some prohibition-era Templeton Rye glass. That added a vintage quality that isn’t readily found today.

As we all know those last 5 points get harder and harder to achieve so I pulled out all the stops and used 2 different kinds of sticks to add further depth and complexity to my newly made mixture. This double sticked, and thus double aged, the method did the trick and I ended up with a world-class whiskey. There is no doubt in my mind that the TWJ’s Finest Old Rare Stick Aged Whiskey is indeed the finest, rarest and oldest whiskey on the planet earth.

I’d tell you to try some if you get the chance, but you won’t. I do plan to release it in the TWJ gift shop in 1-ounce bottles but it will immediately go for a gazillion dollars on the secondary and no one will drink it because it’s worth a gazillion dollars an ounce! Which means I will still be the only one to have sipped on this nectar of the gods. Boom, I win.

SCORE: 101/100 <- It’s that good.

*Disclosure: I am the company so the views, opinions, and tasting notes are 110% my own. Also, this was an April Fools day joke that I did on Instagram. It actually tastes as horrible as you might imagine and the sticks made it taste like soggy twigs. I’m just glad Templeton was here to help give this whole thing some legitimacy.